February 14, 2012

identify Your Emotional Sleight-of-Hand

For a couple of years, my partner had to have periodic allergic desensitization shots. He found it very unhandy to administer the shots to himself, so he enlisted my help. I became his unofficial shot-giver. Although I'd never done anyone like that before, I followed instructions, practiced first on an orange, and bravely standard my assignment. Before long, I realized that, if I applied pressure just above the injection site with the alcohol-soaked cotton swab, it would distract the pain sensors and he wouldn't feel the injection at all. It was a simple, but very effective ploy. And, it works very well in all sorts of other situations.

Magicians Penn and Teller have a famous habit that they perform, talking the audience through the seven basic steps of a sleight-of-hand trick: palm, ditch, steal, load, simulation, misdirection, and switch. The element that makes sleight-of-hand work as well as it does is misdirection: directing the focus of attention away from what's positively going on. I used misdirection when I was giving Craig his shot, causing the nerves in his arm to focus away from what was positively happening.

You can also use misdirection to distract people from things you don't want them to perceive, either it's done innocently or otherwise. Clearly, misdirection can get you in issue either when a perceptive someone 'blows your cover' or when you're using it to try to fool . . . Yourself.






Although midlife provides you with entry into what should be the happiest and most fulfilling duration of your life, that transition can also inflict the most pain. After all, your whole life foresight falls under the scalpel of your re-evaluation of what's most important to you: your purpose, your values, and your goals. It also brings home to you the often-painful realization that much of what you've spent your life doing up until this point has been wrong-headed. It hurts to face the probability that 'doing it my way' has led you to somewhere you didn't positively want to be. Along comes misdirection to the rescue! So long as you're focusing on something else, maybe you won't observation that the life foresight that you've so determined constructed for yourself has come to be empty and meaningless. So, off you go, busily loading up your life with pleasant distractions.

One of the problems that arise when you use misdirection on yourself comes down to the fact that, in order to be truly effective, the misdirection has be incommunicable from your aware mind, endowed with a 'cover story' or rationalization that, at least on the surface, makes your behavior seem reasonable, if not positively necessary. Listen to the words that you use when you're talking to other people, and especially when someone challenges you about your behavior. If you hear yourself saying, "I have to . . . " or "I can't . . . " then you can be sure that you're using a misdirection. If you truly believe that you either 'have to' or 'can't', then you're indulging in self-deception. It's your own personal, incommunicable 'magic trick' - a self-defeating sleight-of-hand - that's enabling you to avoid finding at what's positively going on.

The truth is that nobody's forcing you to do anything. The things you do (or don't do) are all of your own volition. You either want to do something or don't want to do something, and that's the end of it. Nobody's retention a gun to your head; nobody's retention your house hostage. You're nobody's victim. Whenever you play that role, you can be obvious that you're misdirecting the world's attention (and your own) away from what's positively going on, how you're positively feeling, and your own deep-seated and incommunicable motives. anyone who is complex in the midlife transition is faced with a tough job: to come to be so personally aware that s/he can foil his or her own misdirection. Here's where the 'best friend' is most helpful: when you can collect a trusted friend's help in confronting your Bs head-on, the 'magic' of midlife fades away. In time, you get used to finding the tricks you're trying to play on yourself to avoid having to change.

That's the essence of what's going on, isn't it? It's a fear of turn and a reluctance to do anyone about it that gets you stuck. On top of that, you'll find a sort of insecurity that wants you to believe that if you turn directions you're somehow less capable as a person. In fact, the opposite is true: the more willing you are to accept the someone you've come to be with all your strengths and weaknesses and the more capable you are to turn direction in response to changes in your environment and situation, the easier your midlife transition will be. Misdirection is nothing but a tool of arrogance; acceptance and willingness are the results of real humility. That's one of the hardest lessons to learn in midlife, but, once learned, it becomes your many strength.

identify Your Emotional Sleight-of-Hand

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